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When Menopause Changes Your Sex Drive
Menopause can bring big changes to a woman’s body and mind. For some women, a fading libido feels like losing a part of themselves. For others, it’s simply a shift that doesn’t need to be fixed.
Many of us grow up being told that our sexuality defines us, so when desire fades it can feel like a crisis. But the truth is that menopause affects everyone differently, and there’s no one “right” way to feel about sex at this stage of life.
A recent story from a woman in her late 40s struck a chord with many readers. She described being happily married yet completely uninterested in sex. She cared for her husband deeply but struggled with the fact that intimacy now felt like a chore. Like many women, she wondered: Do I need to fix my low sex drive, or can I just accept it?
Why Low Libido Happens During Menopause
Loss of libido is common during perimenopause and menopause due to hormonal changes. Declining estrogen can lead to vaginal dryness and discomfort during sex, while lower testosterone can reduce desire (Ussher, Perz, & Parton, 2015).
Hot flashes, sleep issues, and mood swings add to the mix, making intimacy less appealing. Cultural messages also play a role. Western society often frames women’s sexual value around youth and attractiveness.
Studies show that women’s feelings about their sexuality after menopause are shaped not just by hormones, but also by how aging and femininity are perceived in their culture (Winterich, 2003).
Does Every Woman Need to Regain Her Sex Drive?
The short answer is no. Sexuality is deeply personal. Some women truly miss the physical pleasure and closeness of sex and want to find solutions. Others feel relieved not to be driven by desire anymore. As one commenter reflected, our relationships with sex can be as varied as our relationships with food. Some of us crave it, others are fine without it.
The key is asking yourself, Is this change bothering me? If the answer is no, there’s nothing wrong with embracing where you are. If you miss intimacy or pleasure, you might explore options like hormone therapy, vaginal moisturizers, or supplements that support sexual health.
For example, some women find that maca root or L-arginine can gently support circulation and energy, which may have a positive effect on sexual wellness. Always talk to a healthcare provider before trying new supplements.
Intimacy Beyond Sex
Physical closeness does not have to mean intercourse. Many couples discover that hugs, kisses, shared laughter, and emotional connection can deepen intimacy even when sex is less frequent.
One woman shared how she felt pressured by her spouse to maintain the same level of sexual activity, which ultimately hurt her mental health. Over time, her partner experienced his own decline in libido, leading to a newfound empathy and understanding.
Relationships thrive when both partners approach these changes as a team. Open conversations about what feels good, what feels stressful, and how to stay close in non-sexual ways can create deeper bonds.
The Problem with "Fixing" Women for Men
Many women in menopause communities express frustration at the expectation that they must fix themselves to please a partner. Menopause is a natural stage of life.
While it’s understandable for partners to feel a loss of intimacy, it should not fall solely on women to restore desire through medical treatments or therapy. Suggesting hormone therapy or medications solely for a partner’s satisfaction dismisses a woman’s autonomy over her own body.
As research shows, the meaning of sex in midlife is shaped by personal values, health, and relationships, not just hormones (Simon & Nappi, 2015). Women deserve the freedom to decide whether regaining libido is something they want.
Supporting Your Body If You Want To
If you do want to explore ways to feel more energized or comfortable during intimacy, there are gentle options. Staying active, eating nutrient-rich foods, and supporting hormone balance with certain vitamins or supplements can help with overall well-being. For instance, omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin D support mood and energy, which can indirectly affect desire.
Even small steps like pelvic floor exercises, mindful touch, or exploring sensuality without pressure can make intimacy more enjoyable without forcing sex to feel like an obligation.
A Word From Vitamins For Woman
Every woman’s experience of menopause and libido is unique. Some will want to rekindle desire while others feel content letting it fade. Neither choice is wrong. What matters is honoring your own needs, communicating openly with your partner, and rejecting the idea that womanhood is defined by sexual availability.
If you’re curious about supporting your overall vitality, you might explore our recommended natural supplements like maca root or omega-3s. They can be part of a holistic approach to feeling your best, with guidance from a healthcare provider.
Your body, your choice, your journey.
Ussher, J. M., Perz, J., & Parton, C. (2015). Sexual wellbeing and sexual identity in midlife: A qualitative investigation of the sexual health and wellbeing of women in midlife. Journal of Sex Research, 52(4), 486–497. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0959353515579735
Winterich, J. A. (2003). Sex, menopause, and culture: Sexual orientation and sexual experiences in midlife women. Gender & Society, 17(4), 627–642. https://philpapers.org/rec/WINSMA-3
Simon, J. A., & Nappi, R. E. (2015). Sexual health in midlife women. Medicina, 55(9), 559. https://www.imsociety.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/sexual-welbeing-after-menopause-english.pdf
